Updated: Jan 27, 2022
When Teenage Girls Want Independence
Striving for independence is an inevitable part of adolescent development. Teenage girls are learning to take responsibility, forming their own values, and figuring out how to make decisions that are right for them.
Thus, teenage girls express independence through their fashion choices, the music they listen to, the friends they spend time with, and the activities and hobbies they choose. And the choices they make might not be the same ones their parents would make for them.
Therefore, the teenage years can be hard on parents. Hence, parenting teenage girls requires finding a balance between setting limits and allowing teenagers to forge their own path. Furthermore, parents may need to let teenage girls experience failure. As a result, they learn more about themselves and develop resilience. But it’s not easy for parents to stand aside and watch their only teenage daughter struggle and sometimes fail.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach for how to parent a teenager. But dealing with difficult teenage daughters requires caring and compassion.
As a mother, You may feel like a total failure. This is where you start to question your abilities as a mother. Your mind is 24/7 on-” have you failed her…
How have you handled the situation?
“What is wrong with me that as a parent you're not able to see the bigger picture. You have forgotten what it was like to go through all these changes happening in the body and hormones, the mood swings, as their bodies develop, teenage girls tend to focus lots of energy on their physical appearance. And if they feel any insecurity about their looks.
This made my mind at the time constantly question my ability as a parent.
Which inspired me to go seek further self-development for myself, I trained in a few modalities which allow me to teach and guide my clients with their childhood trauma.
5 Ways to Help your teenager Daughter/Son
It is essential that as parents, we do the best we can to love and support our daughter/son while still keeping in mind that they cannot control their teen’s emotions or actions. The best thing you as an empowering parent can do is provide them with proper support within the home and seek appropriate external treatment to help the teen learn how to manage his or her feelings.
1. Create Boundaries and Expectations for Your Teenager
Defiant and angry teenagers need clear rules that are tied to a clear consequence when she or he breaks the rule. Establish these rules and expectations during a calm time. Have a conversation with your teenager so they know what to expect when the said rules are broken. Explain to your teenager that these rules are to help keep her or him safe and free from harm.
Express your love for your child. Even angry teenagers want to know that their parents love and care about them.
2. Talk to Your Teenager
As a parent of an angry teenager, you may find it difficult to talk and communicate with your child through outbursts and contention. During times of peace or once a teenager has calmed down from their outburst, as a parent you should try and talk to their teenager about what is really bothering them. If the teenager is willing to speak or share, do not judge or try and correct your teenager. Simply listen to her or him without becoming angry.
Here is a Ted talk by Martyn Richards on Communication and teenage Brain
His talk helps us unpick the brain, in order to start to truly understand teenagers.
3. Set a Good Example for Your Teenager
One of the best ways parents can teach their teenagers, healthy coping patterns and emotional regulation is by example.
When your teenager starts to feel angry, your healthy and appropriate response would be to accept the fact that your teenager’s opinion may differ from yours.
What may be wrong for you might seem right for them.
You two may have contrasting views about certain things. You may even have different personalities from each other. Instead of forcing your opinion onto them, try to listen and have meaningful conversations.
4. Spend Quality Time with Your Teenager
Every child wants to be unconditionally loved and accepted by their parents, even when they do not show it. Take the time to spend quality time with your teenager doing an activity they enjoy. During this time, just focus on loving, validating, and being positive about your teen and their strengths. Reassure them how much you love them both in word and in indeed. Even if a teenager is angry or negative towards you, deep down they are likely feeling unlovable and insecure. Give your teenager your undivided attention to reassure them that you love and care.
Don’t get frustrated if your teenager resists your efforts. Just continue trying. Remember, the objective is to simply build a relationship with your teenager and support them in the ways they need it most.
5. Have Reasonable Expectations for Your Teenager
Show appreciation to your teenager. A teenager’s brain is continually developing and changing until about the mid-’20s. Therefore, a teenager’s brain will process information much differently, including the way a teenager manages their emotions and makes decisions. Hormones can further complicate things. While these factors should not serve as an excuse for bad behavior, it is important parents keep these biological differences in mind.
Even adults need appreciation at regular intervals to boost morale.
Appreciate them often; It will help build self-confidence and create a positive bond between you and your child. Words have the power to impact lives, so use them to teach some good values to your teenager.
Whenever your child performs well in any task, appreciate them genuinely. This will let them know that you don’t constantly nag but appreciate their efforts. If your child achieves something, don’t just say, “congrats” and leave it at that. Enquire about how they came about achieving it and praise their effort. Do not overdo it, though, because that might again create friction.
In many ways, teenagers are still learning, and consequences provide learning experiences to help their brain and judgment develop. Parents of angry teenagers should maintain age-appropriate expectations for their teenagers and nothing more.
Here is my step-by-step guide to help you heal after a broken relationship with your child so you can feel free again. Reconnect To Your Inner Wonder Woman