Updated: Mar 11, 2022
I write this with an open heart from a place of mothers' love.
As our children grow up and start to leave the family nest to lead their own lives, it can feel heart-wrenching and daunting. This is my reality at this present moment in time. I am using my practice of yoga and breathwork to enable me to let go. We have to learn to let go.
Whilst doing my morning practice of yoga, I allowed my tears to flow, as I was feeling a part of my heart weeping already. To me, this is a natural way to release the emotions that I hold for my very loved dear ones.
In my culture, normally the children would leave home when getting married and make their own home. But in today’s world, we accept that times have changed, and our children are more westernized than ourselves and our parents.
This, for me, is just the beginning of my new journey again with grief. At this stage, it's important to be aware that we are in this process and allow all our emotions and physical pain's to be felt. Having a 'toolkit' enables us to move forward. For me, yogic-breath-work and exercises are a part of my toolkit which help me maneuver myself each day.
Having given birth to a child, and going through the birth pains and every other pain that you had with your child as they grew up, means they are imprinted within you to some extent. So when the time comes to let go, all these memories will come flooding in front of your eyes as if it was just yesterday. I started to take long deep breaths to help me calm myself and allow the emotions to flow. This is just one of the many breath-work from my toolkit,
Watching them take their first steps, being with them when they are ill. Staying up with them when they were unable to sleep, reading nursery rhymes, and, as they get older, reading books at bedtime, making sure they did their homework. How fast they grow up!
So, this weekend, I will be helping my 30 years old son move from home into his new flat.
As mothers, we all like to make sure that our children, no matter what age they are that, they are safe and in a healthy state of mind and body.
I never realized what pain my parents must have felt when I got married and left the family home, until now, as I watch my children leave home.
As a parent, I don’t think you ever stop worrying about your children. Looking back at my parents, I remember my father pacing up and down the front garden waiting for my sister to come home from trips to central London, whilst visiting him one summer with her own two children. I believe it’s an in-built instinct that we all have as parents.
With my son, I take comfort, knowing, that he is now standing on his own two feet. To grow into a man that will take responsibility for all the actions that he takes in his life brings me joy.
It’s been a great privilege to know that you have managed to create a human begin that will take accountability for his actions.
As a mother for me personally, it is a proud moment but also sad at the same time.
If you break into tears over sappy commercials or while you're driving down the road, don’t freak out. Your life is incredibly emotional right now, and when that’s the case, events or people who you typically would have brushed off become a much bigger deal.
Becoming an empty nest can stir up a variety of emotions. Perhaps you're sad that your child is grown up, angry at yourself for not being home more often, nervous about the state of your marriage, scared that you're growing older, and frustrated that you're not where you imagined you'd be at this phase in your life.
Whatever you feel is OK. Trying to deny your pain or suppressing your sadness won't make it go away.
Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions crop up for you. Facing uncomfortable emotions head-on can help them subside faster than pushing them away.
Whether your child has gone to college or simply moved into their place, it’s normal to worry about how they are faring after they've left the nest. What isn’t normal, however, is to feel constant anxiety about how your child is getting by.
Checking in multiple times a day or investing hours into checking your child's social media accounts won't be helpful to either of you. Avoid calling to ask them if they are remembering to floss or to nag them about doing their homework. This is your child's opportunity to spread his wings and practice using all those skills you taught him while he lived at home.
Balance your desire to check in with your child's need for privacy and create a plan for how you’ll stay connected. You might set up a weekly phone call, communicate frequently via text or email, or have a weekly dinner date if your child lives nearby.
With 18 or more years under your belt as a parent with a house filled with children, this can be a scary and emotional time in your life. Rest assured, the feelings you are experiencing now will fade as you grow accustomed to a quieter house and a life more focused on your desires.
If you feel like your life no longer has meaning or you think your depression or anxiety might be worse than what’s normal, seek professional help.
Surrounding yourself with people who know the feeling—whether it’s a support group or just friends going through the same process—can also help you get through this difficult time. You have done your job as a parent, and now it’s time to enjoy life as a parent of adult children, with all the freedom and opportunities that it can provide.
If you are experiencing sadness or grief at a recent or imminent departure of a child and wish to have support at this moment in your life, I would love to invite you to Book
in a Free consultation with me, to find out more about how yoga and breath-work can be powerful support at this time.